The little things

I apologize if this one is all over the place it has things I have been thinking about. I hope it helps someone. As always please subscribe its free link is at the top of the page on the right and you can follow me with any of the social media links. Hope you guys like it <3

To live a life like any other means you need to push the boundaries like it too. There is a fine line between going for it and overdoing it. I seldom know where that line lines always have always will. There is a fire that burns that can’t be demolished by the lack of reality in the air. I fail to relax, I have a harder time to stop overthinking, yet my mind is always clear. I am an enigma. A one of a kinda one in a million, a can turn anything into a positive life lesson. I try my best to be humble and know that I fail at knowing everything- for even the smartest person to walk this earth still couldn’t tell you all the information in all of the books ever written.

I tend to be my worst enemy- not anyone else, surprised? I am in my head too much, I overthink my over-thought, thoughts like 4 times if not more. I tell myself I could have done better in a situation if I screwed up (even if I didn’t know the answer or reasons at the time). I dwell on everything I can remember from years back and still get anxiety over it, even if I no longer talk to those people, and even if there is nothing I can do to fix it now.

See I am what most people love to call a “fixer” I have been for most of my life that is what most empaths are. We fix things animals, people, plants, stuff. We can the things others do not want to deal with anymore and try to fix them to heal them. Notice how I say “try” since most of the time we end up losing ourselves in the process and hurting more in the end.

We forget who we are since the world has put so much crap on us from a young age. Most people are only out for themselves (we all have a few if not more in our lives like that now). So going back and thinking when we were children we can compare the people and characteristics to the people we knew growing up and how they treated us. Then add on top of it the words they said to us that we didn’t know were meant to be hurtful (because we looked up to them with hopeful eyes) and the actions of betrayal. All of those things and more that I haven’t mention and I am sure more come to mind they try to define us to be something we are not.

I am a firm believer that a part of you deep down inside of you can’t be touched from abuse, neglect, hatred, anything.

I believe that it is protected in you at your core, and when you feel like the world is getting too much, that’s cause too much is affecting your essence outside that core (you are being shaken). Like when you are really depressed but there is this one coffee mug that gets a glimmer of hope back to you whenever you use it, or when that barista’s and touches yours when you take the ice tea. It’s about the little things in life, but we rarely get to do them.

It is why I wish I had a vocabulary for relaxing, but sadly I don’t for when things are even taken out of my hands and movies are put on my mind goes 1 million miles per hour at what I could be doing.

With the anxiety added in my world sometimes seems like a really scary place. A place I rather not be in which then turns into depression. Which then I try to find joy in the little things.

I said it once, I will say it again- life is not perfect, neither are we who walk this earth. We can try as much and as hard as we want for as long as we want but if we don’t.

This week has been rough work has been interesting. For those who don’t know me, I work in retail. Friday the 13th really messed with me whether you believe in all that stuff or not if your own deal. Customers were more rude than usual. I am sorry but it is not that hard to hand your cashier the money you are paying with (if you expect your change handed back to you be decent and hand it to your cashier). We have no control over prices, products in stock or why your favorite color of eye shadow from 1992 isn’t made anymore.

I have been in customer service since I was 16. I am turning 34 this year. That is almost 20 years of customer service of dealing with problems and solving them, of hearing the good the bad and the ugly and then going home and having a drink because most the time I can’t fix what’s going on in a person’s life and that frustrates me to no end. I like to problem solve [remember fixer? ;) ], so being in this line of work really is my forte so to speak.

I LOVE my regulars and hearing the updates of what is going on in their life and how I can make things better if needed. I love meeting new customers and helping them find what they need. Let’s just say I actually love my job. I know few can say that go I am grateful.

Until the next different type of view~ RoriLelu