Let's Talk

I am working on a blog for another emotion that I am hoping will be better than I am anticipating but until I can finish that one I can write this one for you.

Warning-This might have triggers for some people.

Let’s talk about anxiety.

Let’s talk about how all your thoughts race through your head like a car competing in the Daytona 500.

Let’s talk about how if others bring more attention to it, how the feelings inside of you are like a well that is filling to the top and overflowing with the water from the emotions that are on the inside of you.

Let’s talk about how sometimes nothing helps, not music, not meds, not your regular co-oping skills.

Let’s talk about how it is hard to talk about anxiety for even bringing it up when we don’t have it; all of a sudden- we do.

Let’s talk about how something invisible and NOT made up, sometimes has more control over our body then we do.

Let’s talk about how sometimes it’s just easier to just give in to the anxiety than to try an fight it and see to the other clear side.

Let’s talk about how the tears that stream down from your eyes to falling off the bottom of your chin is sometimes the savior that brings you back to reality.

Let’s face it we all have our demons we all have the fights that we have to pick, and the battles are sometimes worse than the wars.

So let’s talk about how do we choose how to stand and fight?

Sometimes standing and fight- is sitting and crying.

The version of “fighting” I grew up with was in the Kung Foo movies where the hero of the story actively is fitting with 2 or more people. Or in home alone where the man character puts up booby traps and what not to protect the house as well as himself. That’s a movie fighting but in life, to be frank, you can be fighting your battles even if you get up in the morning, or you fight to just get through the day. To actively “fight” in your life can be so different, in so many ways than the person next to you.

We all have our issues our demons our feelings that make us fight with our worth (I don’t care who you are I know you argue with yourself about that, you don’t have to admit it to me).

Let’s talk about how if it’s an invisible illness hardly anyone believes you unless they know someone that has it already or they are in the health care system. Even then it is iffy.

Let’s sit down and talk about sadness- depression.

Let’s talk about how sometimes staying in bed all day is what makes you feel like you are normal

Let’s talk about how harming yourself is sometimes the only time you feel your heartbeat.

Let’s talk about how everyone bugs you to “do more, get better, get up.”

I get it, it sucks, the tears seem to never end, but the tissues do. The bottom of the tissue box always comes too soon.

Let”s talk about how we wish we could say what is on our mind but our depression has convinced us that we are nothing special so or voice will never matter, so don’t waste our breath.

Let’s talk about how sometimes we have to continue with the daily tasks instead of being overwhelmed with the sadness so that “society” can continue to run- because we don’t want to be a burden.

I get it, I get how sometimes it is just easier to go along with it all instead of asking for help. I get how the sadness and depression is everything you are used to. It has been your comfort zone.

Question-If you ask for help what is in the unknown?

Answer- You living your life to the fullest extent that you couldn’t even imagine it.

I have been going through some serious anxiety, to the point of it turning into depression. The house across the lane put up a kennel across from our front door. 90% of the time of going outside I get barked at, the dogs are there almost every day from morning until after sunset; they bark for a while, break, and go at it again. My peace is gone,my anxiety attacks have become my “norm”. So much so that I don’t even want to come home, for even in the silence I am waiting for the barking to happen.

I have been through a lot in my life but never had my peace gone, I have never had to have my noise-canceling headphones within reach so if the dogs start I can put my music on and try to go “into my world” (Ironically that is what started this blog). I feel trapped within my own house because of something outside my house. The owners are not considerate and not friendly I have gotten animal control and last night made a noise complaint since it was 930 at night and they were barking for more than an hour.

What I am trying to get at is not a “woe” is me, what I am trying to get at is I know things will get better. I don’t know when but I will hold on to that rope (this won’t kill me), or search for that light in the darkness.

Things get better sooner or later, however, in my experience it has almost been later. Life is a fickle thing.

SO-

Let’s talk about the heartbreak that ensues in the aftermath of the chaoticness of the breath that is breathed from the first time we open our eyes.

Life is not perfect- but we want it to be (there I said it- at least someone finally did).

It has a lot of ups and even more downs, and sometimes we stay in the in-betweens, but we never fall out of the grey.

In the end, you need to find what makes you happy and go after that. Whether it be reading, coloring, teaching, singing, dancing, you get the giffs.

For the more you do what makes you happy the more you fight those battles (even with the noise-canceling headphones), baby steps are still steps, please never forget that, and please always remember that you are as important as the person next to you.

I hoped this helped who it needed to. If you enjoyed this blog or feel others you know could relate please feel free to share! If you aren’t already you can follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter links should be above and below.

~Until the next different type of view~ RoriLelu