Blankets

Honest question - How selfish are you? I expect an honest answer.

Go ahead, take a minute and think about it.

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How stuck in your head are you?

Have you even asked anyone today how their day went??

Better question, do you even care??

You should, for when human decency dies- we die with it.

It doesn’t cost anything to be kind, to smile, to give a hug, or a handshake. To give attention to a person that usually doesn’t receive it at home.

We are all selfish in our own ways. We all have our hang-ups, but that is what they are suppose to be, hang-ups. We are suppose to realize the hang-ups, work on them, and fix them. Not let them become things that latter in life are what we consider “stuck in our ways”, and that’s why we try to better yourself.

There are so many things that can mess us up from childhood. We hang on to things that, we never knew we did and we let go of things we would rather hang onto. Here’s the thing, the secret to life (ha first time in my life I ever spelled secret right go me!) we all want to be told that life will work out, and that it will be okay. For the most part, it will.

For the most part, it’s a mix. You will have good days that are good and bad days that are bad; but you being alive is something that is truth to its core.

No one ever tells you when you are a child how hard life will become; for they fear if they do tell you what life is like as an adult you will not want to fight to be an adult. I think they forget about the fire that is in each child to conquer everything that stands in our way. So, I don’t think there is much harm in letting a kid know part of the honest truth when they ask.

I mean we did grow up on fairy tales and stories of main characters killing things. If I don’t look back on them now and realize that. That what they are killing is everything that held them back then what's the point?

It’s natural to want to move forward in anything and everything even if we feel like we are staying stagnant. We get so caught up in the everyday life and what we need to do before our head hits the pillow. We mainly forget the self-care and most importantly forget to look back at how far we have come as a human race and as an individual being.

No one seems to get the deeper meaning to it all and it saddens me to my core. We need to encourage each other and help each other get through the tough sh*t. For there will be a day when the water ran out long ago and when the sh*t hits the fan. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

Sometimes taking care of you is also saying what is on your mind in a way that won’t hurt others’ feelings. I am saying to empathize here. By empathize I mean think before you talk to them, consider the other person and what you want to say. How you think both people will react to things and go over the scenarios in your head a few different ways. This could do no harm. If anything it will help prep you for the conversation. Most people do not do this. Most people just talk.

I don’t get why we are so afraid to say what we want. Yet, when we do we never feel accomplished. We never get to the point where I think we experience complete clarity in our conversations with others. We talk so fast and go through the day even faster its hard to slow down and take the time to understand. It’s sad that society is now so rush that all most every food place has a drive-thru, that if coupons don’t work we get angry at the cashier instead of trying to figure out why. This day in age is just too rushed; humans were never made to live like this.

Anyways, I had a really rough day the other day. It took everything I had to get up and get ready for work and then go to it. I am not usually like that. Usually, I am up with my alarm ( or a few of them, [as we all do] and I get ready way before I need to go to work). Welcome, all to depression who don’t know what it is like. Welcome to the time of year where the bed is more welcoming than the shower. Hey, I am being honest, it’s why you come here, isn’t? The blankets are more homie then the house for the chill in the air never seems to go away, and we aren’t even in October yet (Lord help me). It’s the time of year where the fire belongs in the night and the morning dew is a slight frost. When you walk outside and feel the crisp air hugging you and you can see your breath when you exhale with your mouth open wide and you can remember the joy of being a kid again.

I have always said I am an open book you just have to ask the right questions. Yet, no one ever does ask any questions. It makes you feel lonely. Then, when someone does, it makes me wonder why they do. Past experiences don’t let you trust that people might actually be wanting to be a friend. The self-doubt never leaves, and the doubt of everything always stays. It is disheartening.

Yet, I always try to find the positive in any situation. Not always possible, but always capable of trying.

See that is what I find people lack most these days is the act of “trying”. Trying for anything if I am going to be real. We lack to act in ourselves and want others, anything, or anyone to fill the void.

It sucks. There is no great way to express the void so we try to fill it instead with anything that brings us the slightest happiness. This goes on for years we find drugs, alcohol, books, coloring, exercise, anything that makes us feel like us.

It is only human nature that when we lack something, we want to find something else better to fill the void. We always want our hearts to cry to be answered. It is really common sense.

If I could offer some advice to fill the void inside of you. During my 3 years of celibacy, I found me and that filled my void. Take time for you without forgetting your life. Do go to your work, appointments, errands, so on and so forth, if you are living a life where you are truly unhappy and nothing seems to help, take time to figure out why! Once all the drama stops and you have time to listen to your thoughts in the silence I promise you, you will find you but, only if you try.

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I seriously want to thank everyone that has been reading these blogs. They have not been easy for me to get into words nor trust out in the world of the internet. I know these blogs will help others out there somewhere someday and that’s what helps me try.

Until the next different type of view~ RoriLelu